I Want To Forget
by Dr. Huff-Puff
Summary: One-shot, post-OotP. Sequel to "Gain and Lost". Harry needs to forget about what he did, and he goes to Snape asking for help.


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A/N: This is a one-shot sequel to "Gain and Lost". I hope that you'll enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything. Well… except for Professor Rachel Johnson. She's my own creation. The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling.

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I Want To Forget

Professor Rachel Johnson walked to her class on her first day as a teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts. The sixth year students of Gryffindor and Slytherin were looking at her with hopeful eyes. She smiled at them and put her papers on her desk.

"Good morning class. My name is Rachel Johnson and I'll be your Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. You may call me Professor Johnson." She said.

Hermione and Ron looked at each other and smiled. They turned to see Harry, but he didn't pay attention to them as he was staring at his desk. He was still convinced that it was his fault that Sirius was dead.

Professor Johnson started her class with a revision. She wanted to know what her students knew about the subject and she was amazed to see that most of them were able to do the spells successfully.

"Well, as far as I can see, most of you must have been practicing?" she asked. Hermione's hand shot out and Professor Johnson nodded to her. "Yes Miss…?"

"Granger. And I wanted to remind you Professor that we are not allowed to use magic out of school." Hermione said.

"Oh yes, that's quite right." She chuckled. "How could I forget? Thank you for reminding me Miss Granger. Ten points to Gryffindor."

Hermione smiled and looked at Ron proudly. He smiled back to her and felt his cheeks go red as his hair.

"Now, what I am going to teach you is considered as advanced magic, but since I heard that you had encounters with dementors a couple of years ago, I decided that it would be best if you knew how to protect yourselves."

Everyone in the class sat straight and listened carefully.

"There's a simple, but a strong charm that is used to fight the dementors. It's called the Patronus Charm. Has anyone of you heard of it?"

Hermione's hand was the first to raise, but some of the students followed.

"Good. Now that I see more then half of the class heard about the charm, I would like to ask you, What is a patronus?"

Few of the hands went down and Professor Johnson looked at the students who had the answers. "Mr. Longbottom?" She knew his name because of his resemblance to his father.

"The patronus is a form of something dear to us and it drives the dementors away." Neville said.

"Correct. Ten points to Gryffindor." The teacher said. "Mr. Malfoy?" She could never be mistaken about the blond hair and gray eyes.

"How do we conjure a patronus?" Draco asked.

"We were going to discuss that, but since you asked…" She smiled. "All you need to have is the happiest memory, and you must point your wand at the direction of the dementors and say clearly: Expecto Patronum. Now repeat after me. Expecto Patronum."

The class repeated. "Expecto Patronum."

"Good, once again." She said and they said it again. "Very good. I heard that one of you can conjure a patronus?" she asked and everyone turned to look at Harry who was lost in thoughts.

"Huh? Did I miss something?" Harry asked, looking confused.

"Nothing new mate." Ron said. "You're the only one who can conjure a patronus, so get up and show us."

"What?"

"Just stand up!" Ron hissed.

Harry shrugged and stood up, not knowing what was happening. He was still lost in thoughts.

"Ah! Mr. Potter!" Professor Johnson said merrily. "So, you're the one who can conjure a patronus?"

Harry stared at her and nodded.

"Well, come here then and show us."

Harry hesitated for a moment, but then he went and stood in front of the class. He closed his eyes and tried to think of a happy memory, but nothing came. All he could remember was Sirius' death.

"Do you think he'll be able to do it?" Hermione whispered to Ron.

"I'm not sure. He needs happy memories, but I don't think he would be able to think of any at this moment." Ron hit his forehead with his hand. "Why did I ever tell him to stand up!"

"It's okay Ron, Malfoy would've spoiled it anyway." Hermione looked to the side where Draco Malfoy was sitting and whispering to Pansy Parkinson.

Harry stood in front of the class with his eyes closed. He was still trying to think of a happy memory.

Professor Johnson came to his side and whispered. "What is it Mr. Potter? Can't you concentrate?"

"I'm sorry professor, but I can't think of anything happy at this moment."

She patted his shoulder and smiled. "It's alright. Take your seat."

"Saint Potter can't conjure a patronus anymore?" Draco said with a smirk.

"Shut up Malfoy." Ron hissed.

"Mr. Malfoy, will you please show the class how to conjure a patronus? It seems that you are able to do that." Professor Jones said.

Draco's face turned pink. He stood up and took his wand and went to the front of the class. He took a deep breath and pointed at Harry. "Expecto Patronum!"

Nothing happened.

The Gryffindors started to laugh. Some of the Slytherins giggled, but they were forced to stop by their housemates who didn't think that there was something funny going on.

"Sit down Mr. Malfoy." The teacher said. "That will be ten points from Slytherin for disturbing the class with unnecessary comments and another five points for failing to conjure a patronus."

"What?! Why didn't HE lose points!" Draco said pointing at Harry.

"Because he admitted that he wasn't in a state to conjure one." She said sternly. "Back to your seat Mr. Malfoy."

Draco held his head high and went back to his desk. He sat down and Professor Johnson could hear that he said something like: "Wait 'till my dad finds out." She ignored his comment and continued her lesson with explaining the right ways to conjure a patronus.

After the class was dismissed, Harry went to the Gryffindor tower, ignoring Ron's calls after him for the next class. Which was… Potions.

"Ron, let him go." Hermione said. "He can't concentrate anyway."

"I guess you're right. Snape would've been happy to take points from Gryffindor for any reason." He replied. "But I wish we could help him. He was happy on the train a couple of days ago, but it seems he hasn't got over it yet. And I'm starting to think that I'm losing my best friend!"

"We will think of something." Hermione said as they reached the dungeons. They entered the class and took a seat at the far end of the classroom.

Professor Snape entered the classroom and closed the door after him. He looked at the students and saw that one of the seats was empty.

"Where's Potter?" he asked with his dangerous voice and looked at Ron and Hermione.

Hermione stood up. "Harry was feeling… ill, and he went to…"

"Enough said Miss Granger, thank you." He didn't let her continue. "Mr. Malfoy, will you please go to the Hospital Wing and ask Madam Pomfrey about Mr. Potter's illness?"

"Yes professor." Draco went out of the classroom and headed to the Hospital Wing.

Professor Snape started the lesson as usual with writing the ingredients of the needed potion on the blackboard. As the students got up to get their supplies, Draco came back.

"Professor," he said with a smile. "Harry is not at the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey said that she didn't see him today."

"Thank you Mr. Malfoy. You can go back to your seat and start brewing your potion." Snape said.

Ron glared at him with suspicious eyes. Snape had something in mind since he didn't say anything else about Harry's absence during the class.

"After you finish, remember to put some amount of the potion you made in a vial and bring it to me. Then, you are free to go." Snape said. "Mr. Longbottom the potion should be green not blue. Ten points from Gryffindor."

Neville shrugged and looked at Hermione who smile at him and mouthed: "It's okay."

As they finished potions they headed to Herbology with the Hufflepuffs. Professor Snape took the vials and placed them in a cupboard. He would check them later. He got out and locked the door of the classroom and headed to the office of the Headmaster.

"Severus!" Dumbledore said merrily as Snape entered the office. "How nice to see you. Have you tried these new lemon drops? They taste wonderful."

"Thank you Albus, but I'm not here to taste anything." Snape said dryly. "I'm here to talk about Potter."

"What's wrong with him? He was feeling better when he came back this year. He mentioned that his aunt was treating him better."

"He didn't come to my class today. Miss Granger said that he was feeling ill, but I sent Malfoy to the Hospital Wing and he came back saying that Potter wasn't there."

The headmaster looked at his desk with concern. "I think that he's still mourning. It seems that he can't accept the thought that Sirius is not alive anymore."

"What should we do?"

The sudden care from Snape surprised Dumbledore and he showed it on his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Snape asked.

"To tell the truth Severus, this is the first time that I see you actually care about Harry."

"I don't care about him Albus, thank you very much. I only wanted to express my disapproval of his absence from my class on his first day back to school. If I knew he was going to be this irresponsible about my subject, I wouldn't have given him high marks for his O.W.L. Potions exams."

"I understand Severus. I'll talk to Harry later this evening. You can go to your class now."

"Alright Albus. See you at lunch." Snape walked out of the office and headed to his classroom.

Dumbledore got up and paced the room. He wanted to help Harry, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to do so, for Harry wouldn't trust him anymore.

Professor Snape walked back to the dungeons where he saw a familiar boy standing right outside the door of his office. He stopped for a moment, adjusted his black robes and continued his way to his office.

"You weren't at class today Mr. Potter." Professor Snape said in a dry manner.

"Yeah… I know." Harry replied, looking at the ground as he spoke. "That's why I'm here now."

"You don't expect me to give you private lessons, do you?" Snape opened the door to his office and entered. "Come in." he said without looking at Harry.

Harry followed him inside and closed the door after him carefully. Snape sat in his chair behind his desk and motioned to Harry to sit down on.

"What are you here for, Potter?" Snape asked.

Harry kept his eyes to the ground. "I… I need your help."

Snape raised an eyebrow. _Potter asking for my help?_ He thought.

Before Snape could say anything, Harry continued. "How can I forget?"

"Forget?" Snape was confused by the question.

"How can I forget about what happened without having to modify my memory?"

It was Snape's turn to look at the ground.

"I want to remember him, but I want to forget what I did to him." Harry said.

"Harry…" Snape said calmly, and it was the first time that he used Harry's first name. "This is one thing that magic won't help you. There is no spell that can only keep happy memories and delete the bad memories from our minds. There aren't any potions to do that either."

Harry sighed. "I saw him in my dream. He was talking to me like he was still alive and like it wasn't my fault at all. He told me that Remus did the right thing for not letting me to go after him and bring him back."

"It seems that death has given him some sense." Snape muttered, but Harry didn't hear him.

"He said that he'll be with me all the time." Harry remembered that he shouldn't mention about the two-way mirror that Sirius gave him, and somehow, fixed it later.

Harry looked at Snape's eyes. "My aunt is back to normal and she cares for me now. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. I want to forget about what happened at the Ministry that day. I want to forget that if it wasn't for my little troll brain, Sirius would've been alive now. How can I keep the happy memories about him if I'm feeling terribly guilty?" Tears formed in Harry's eyes and he didn't bother to wipe them away. "I need your help Sir."

Professor Snape didn't say anything for a while. He looked straight into Harry's tearful eyes. _Why did he come to me? He perfectly knows that Sirius and I loathed each other since we were students. We never got along together. Why is he here now? How can I help him? He isn't even trying to hide his tears from me. Not even his emotions. His feelings. What should I do? Oh Merlin, please help me. This is a harder task than being a double agent!_

A slight groan escaped Snape's throat, which made Harry sit straight and wipe his eyes with the sleeve of his school robes.

"You must first admit that it was your fault." Snape said calmly, which made Harry stare at him with wide opened eyes. This was the first time that someone actually told him that it really was his fault.

"You are trying to convince yourself that it's not your fault by listening to what everyone tells you. But admit it Potter, if you have kept your nose to yourself and learned Occlumency, none of this would've happened." Snape said in a calm and dangerous voice. The memories of Harry's Occlumency lessons were still fresh in his mind.

"I'm sorry I acted like that Professor. I didn't mean to…"

"That's in the past, Potter." Snape interrupted. "Past." He added calmly and sighed. "You should've told someone immediately, and stayed in your room. You remember what happened to Arthur Weasley. We were able to save him. Unfortunately, the second vision concerning Sirius wasn't true at all. If it was true, and even if he was hurt, we would've been able to save him." He leaned forward. "You have to admit that it was your fault that you went to the Ministry without telling a member of the Order."

Harry didn't know how to react. He knew that it was his fault that Sirius was dead, but he had to go to the Ministry to save him! He had seen him in his vision! He couldn't have left him to die there! But then, he was the reason that Sirius was dead now. No matter what everyone keeps telling him. It was his fault.

"What should I do next?" He asked.

"Once you admit your fault, you'll feel better, believe me." Snape said with a smile.

Harry smiled back. It was the first time that he saw Snape smile at him. And it was a sincere, fatherly smile… _Fatherly?_ _Since when did he start caring about me?_ Harry asked himself. _However, I think it's good to have him by my side. He seems to have a good side after all._

"I don't want to feel better." Harry said, the smile fading from his face. "I want to forget."

"Time can cure the deepest wounds Harry. You'll forget if you let him go. Set his soul free Harry. He wants to be with you, and you want him by your side. But set his soul free. He'll come to you when he feels that you need him. You'll forget if you set him free."

Harry took a deep breath. He thought that he had set Sirius' soul free when he saw him in his dream a couple of months ago, but it seems that he didn't.

"Thank you professor." Harry said finally and got up.

"Harry… may I ask you a question?"

"Yes… yes, of course."

"Why me?"

Harry smiled. "You were his classmate."

Harry left the dungeons and headed to the Gryffindor tower. Professor Snape sat in his office looking at the door, from which Harry has left a few moments ago, the last sentence still echoing in his head.

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You were his classmate.

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FIN

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A/N: So? How was it? Please submit a review!! I'd like to know what you think! I know that Snape was so OOC, but that's how I see him. He CARES about everyone!! And I loff him!!


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